i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
