Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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