kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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