Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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