Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boobs are out for the taking
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
