why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
