Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
