Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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