i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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