are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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