Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i think my cat just said my name.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
