I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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