I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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