Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
