I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
