whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
