Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
