Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
