isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
