For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
