I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
