Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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