at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pants are for mortals
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
