when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
