thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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