So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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