I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
