how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
