matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
