ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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