Nicole vs. Life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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