a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
