I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
