He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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