I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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