so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize