I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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