did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
