Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
