I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
