Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
