I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
