Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
