It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
