matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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