A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
