I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
