genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
