I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
