he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
