So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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