How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
