just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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