What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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