She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
