do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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