was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
