I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
