I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
