Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
