I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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