Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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