i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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