I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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