I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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