I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
