I take back everything I said about communal showers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
