Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
