Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
