Can i not drive my cunt home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
