I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
