i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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