i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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