So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
