Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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