he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
