can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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