You don't have asthma, your pregnant
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
