Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
