I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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