I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
