Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
