Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
