Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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