Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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