Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
